A Young Wife’s Tale

Being the well spouse or caregiver is hard. I’m not going to sugar coat it for anyone. David’s psoriatic arthritis has been fairly stable lately, praise God. I hope this post is an encouragement to other well spouses out there, dealing with the frustrations of chronic illness.

I love my husband. We have a happy marriage, but lest you think I don’t ever get tired of taking care of David, here are some things I’ve asked David, in my mind or out loud.

*Why did you wait until I was asleep to ask me to rub your back?

*Why didn’t you tell me you were running low on your medication? You’ve been out for a week! No wonder you’ve been so cranky.

If you follow me on Twitter you know I was really sick over the weekend. Friday afternoon, I started having trouble with my right eye. Eventually, I realized it was conjunctivitis, also known as pink eye. I have never had conjunctivitis, even as a child. David thinks I got it from 3D glasses at the early screening of Tron we went to. Eww…

So, Friday night we picked up some over the counter eye drops with a homeopathic remedy for pink eye. David was feeling pretty good, and around seven o’clock we worked out together. By eight o’clock my throat was hurting. By nine I had body aches and a fever. I took some ibuprofen, but I continued to get worse.

Saturday morning, I woke up very sick. David had to bring me food and help me get dressed and out of bed. Usually, it’s the other way around. I’m the caregiver. The well spouse.

Why is the alarm clock on my side of the bed? Psoriatic arthritis doesn’t affect David’s hearing.

I hate New Jersey. We’ve been here seven months. I have tried, but I still hate it.

When I call to pay $75 towards a $103 doctor’s bill, billing associates shouldn’t ask me when more funds will be added to my HSA card because they “just don’t want me to be sent to collections.” Um, did you want me to pay you or not? You didn’t send me to collections for two months over the whole amount, but now because I’m paying you, you’re sending me to collections?

For me, being a wife to a chronically ill husband is like being a communication device. Maybe not all men have trouble communicating, but David definitely has a hard time verbalizing his pain and suffering. It’s actually one of the most frustrating aspects of having a husband with an invisible chronic illness. I get really angry when David doesn’t tell me he’s hurting. I get so upset when someone at church asks him to help move heavy furniture and he does it instead of saying, “Sorry, I can’t.” It’s like he wants to be the strong, silent type.

David doesn’t have the flu. The doctor specifically said, “This doesn’t mean you’re immune from the flu for the rest of the season. You just don’t have the flu today.” We thought that was really funny.