*I was unloading groceries one day, and I saw a man working outside two doors down. I waved and said, “Hey, there!” Since the two neighbors I know, and my parents, and my in-laws all work on their homes themselves, it just never occurred to me that it wasn’t my neighbor.

He was a contractor. He came over and gave me his business card. He was telling me something, probably what his area of expertise was (or that I really shouldn’t talk to strangers), but my dog, Henry, was going crazy and barking so loudly that I couldn’t hear a word the man was saying. I was afraid Henry was going to jump the gate and attack the man. That contractor probably thought we had the friendliest neighborhood.

Lesson Learned: Know your neighbors.

*Awhile back, I was wakeboarding with my family. My dad was driving the boat, I was riding shotgun and my brother was being pulled behind the boat in an inner tube. This particular tube isn’t a donut ring. It’s got a floor so you actually sit down in it. My dad likes to go really fast when he pulls my teenage brothers and take sharp turns to see if he can knock them out. They love it.

Well, Dad took a sharp, fast turn and the tube flipped upside down. The boat lurched backwards and Dad killed the motor.

“Whoa! I didn’t know the boat had brakes!” I exclaimed.

“It doesn’t,” said my father. “The tube filled with water when it flipped and acted as an anchor. We’re lucky the boat didn’t flip.”

Brother was laughing when he resurfaced, just in case you were worried.

Lesson Learned: Boats don’t have brakes and always wear a life jacket when you are on a boat. Also, I am glad I am my father’s daughter, not his son.

*Recently I was working at my part time job at the law firm. I was at the front desk and a solicitor came in and gave me his business card. He started giving me the whole sales pitch. He was talking quickly, people were walking by and the phones were ringing. I managed to catch a few words here and there, including “server” and “process”.

Being the geek that I am, I told him, “Ok, thanks, I’ll give Stephanie your business card.” Stephanie handles a lot of our computer issues. Since I’d heard those two key words, naturally I thought he was a computer guy. Nope. He was a “process server”. The guys that hands folks papers and says, “You’ve been served.”

Lesson Learned: I work for a law firm, I have no legal experience, and I need to watch more Law & Order.

*I’m in a book club with some very nice, Christian ladies. We’re reading “12 Extraordinary Women” by John MacArthur. The night we discussed the introduction and the first chapter, talking about all those wonderful Christian women’s virtues: grace, being a helpmeet, modesty, etc. I came home much later than I’d expected to. I burst in the front door, yelling at David, “I’m sorry I’m home so late! I’ve got to pee like a trucker!”

I looked up to see David putting his finger to his lips telling me to be quiet. He was playing XBox Live. With a headset. With a microphone. Oh, yeah. Just call me Mrs. Proverbs 31. And just FYI, I have no idea where I heard the phrase ‘pee like a trucker’.

Lesson Learned: Someone’s always listening, or pay attention to the lessons in your Christian women’s book club.

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One weekend last summer David and I went wakeboarding with our family. We each had new wakeboards. I took my turn and had a blast. David was driving his parents’ pontoon boat.

“You need to get out there and wakeboard!” I told David.

“No, I don’t think I should. My back hurts. I’ll just make it worse,” he replied.

“You’ve got a brand new wakeboard! You have to!” I pushed him. This went on for awhile. Before you think I’m completely horrible, all of David’s doctors have said that they want him to exercise and be active.

No excuses. I was a bad wife that day. David knew his limits, but I convinced him to wakeboard. And for the next week he was miserable. I felt so awful. Guilty.

Proverbs 31 talks a lot about a good wife.

Proverbs 31:12 She brings him good and not evil all the days of her life.

I hope I never do anything like that again. I doubt I will. Lately it’s more like, “David! You shouldn’t be doing that! You’ll hurt yourself!”or “Don’t pick the dog up! You’ll hurt your back!” or “Stop moving chairs at church!”

I am such a bad wife. I never let him do anything.

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