The oil and gas company I used to work for has a condo in Winter Park, Colorado that employees can use five nights a year basically for free. It’s a very nice benefit. The condo has three bedrooms, three baths, a full kitchen and the most amazing view.

One year I took my parents, brothers and David there for Thanksgiving. We had a blast! We went on a sleigh ride. We took snowboarding lessons and decided very quickly that snowboarding wasn’t for us. Being from Dallas, we had a lot of fun just playing in the snow.

The last night we were there, David took me to a fabulous German restaurant. I ate until I thought I was going to be sick. There was a cheese course, an appetizer, a salad and a main course. It was all so good. And then our waitress told us they had white chocolate raspberry creme brulee for dessert. Now, I love dessert, but creme brulee is my favorite of all desserts, so even though I was stuffed I ate every bite of that creme brulee. It was heavenly.

After dinner, David wanted to go for a walk. Snow was falling. It was beautiful. He was singing to me. But I was freezing! And sooo full. I wanted to go back to the condo.

He said, “Oh, let’s walk over there to that bridge.”

And then walked over there, and I said, “Okay, we’re here, now let’s go back to the condo.”

Finally he just got down on one knee and pulled out the ring. It was a gorgeous princess cut diamond. It was so romantic. I was not expecting a proposal that night. I said yes (See? The way to a woman’s heart is her stomach!) and we went back to the condo.

I didn’t want to announce it to my family. I wanted someone to notice the ring.

My brothers were watching something on the television. I remeber sticking my hands out and asking my brother to dance with me. He looked at me like I was insane. Then, I held up two different shirts and said, “Mom which one should I wear tomorrow? This one or this one?” Heavy emphasis on the one in my left hand.

“I don’t care,” my mother replied.

After half an hour of this, I was growing impatient. I knew David had asked for my father’s permission, so I finally whispered to Dad, “No one is noticing!”

“Look at your daughter’s hand,” my father told my mother. She looked and gasped and started crying.

Then my brothers came running and were like, “Oh, that’s why you were acting so weird.”

At the airport the next morning I bought lots of bridal magazines. I’d never let myself look at them before. All of David’s family was planning to get together the afternoon we got back, so we decided I should take off the engagement ring and put it back on when the whole family was together so we could tell everyone all at once.

David’s family was the complete opposite of my family. As soon as we saw them, they were examining my left hand. David hadn’t told his family (and his sister had picked up the engagement ring back in July so she probably thought he was never going to pop the question!). I don’t know how they knew, but they were expecting it.

And then, the real madness began…to be continued!

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Today’s post is by David. He would like to set the record straight on a few things.

First of all, during the hand incident, I only said two cuss words. That’s pretty good for someone whose skin is melting off their hand like water!

Second, I had already asked twice for the blanket in five minutes and I was shivering.

Third, Henry is my dog. Not hers.

Fourth, I stopped taking Methotrexate and Plaquenil.

Fifth, the hat was stupid. I kept it for years. My prayer life was never stronger. I prayed constantly that I’d never have to wear that ugly thing. God answers prayers!

Sixth, the video game was a little blinking light game. Not a retro arcade Atari game. Who would want a game that’s sole purpose was blinking lights? Well, besides Simon. Remeber that game? That game was awesome.

Seventh, since this is a perfect number I’ll finish with this one. Ashley made me do all this. Love you, honey.

Someone please hand my wife another Diet Coke! I’m outta here!

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David and I met when we were fifteen. We lived on the same street for years, but never noticed each other. David and I met at church.

David had started attending our church with his best friend, Kyle. David’s parents made the difficult decision to allow their son to attend a different church than they did. David’s father told me other men in his church would tell him that he should just make David attend their church and that families should always worship together.

David’s parents said that they wanted their son to like church, to be excited about going. They wanted to make sure that once he turned eighteen he didn’t stop going. I sure am glad they let him go with Kyle, because otherwise we never would have met!

The first time I remember meeting David was when Kyle’s dad picked a bunch of us up to take us to a youth event. We saw each other at several other youth events, and then, in December, our youth group volunteered at the Salvation Army. That’s when David and I really hit it off. We talked that day and on the bus ride home I invited David and several of his friends to come over to my house that afternoon. I told them I’d bake cookies.

The way to a man’s heart is his stomach. I’m living proof.

Oh, and my brothers and I did (and still do) that to my mother all the time. We frequently bring friends over on short notice. My mother is a very gracious hostess, and she is always prepared for company. I knew that she would not mind if I invited people over. My mother is the type that would rather have her kids there where she can monitor what they’re doing.

David did come over that afternoon. In fact, he sat in the cold on my sidewalk for about an hour waiting for me to get home because we stopped to eat after my mother picked me up.

David and I hung out quite a lot that Christmas break. God providentially ruined David’s Christmas. You see, that was the year that the Playstation 2 came out. David had gone with his dad on an ice day to get one. They were hard to find, and when the roads were supposed to be closed, Best Buy was open and they had it. David’s mother wrapped it and put it under the tree. David knew exactly which box was his. One day, the box was gone. When David brought this to his parents’ attention, they said, “No, that box was Grandpa’s George Foreman Grill. We mailed it to him. You’re Playstation 2 is right here.”

Guess what? David was right. Christmas morning David’s Grandpa called from Arizona and asked David if he would like to swap Christmas presents. So, you see, if David’s parents hadn’t made the mix up, David would have been playing video games all Christmas break instead of hanging out with me!

By February we were boyfriend and girlfriend. By June we were promised. David is the only man I’ve ever dated or kissed. He’s my best friend. And all because I made him chocolate chip cookies and his parents mixed up his Christmas present!

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Chronic illness and chronic pain really screw up your dating life. You can’t plan things in advance because you don’t know how you’ll feel next month. All your money is going to doctors, and you hurt so much you can’t do most active things.

David and I love to try new things. Often when we go out to eat, we look for restaurants we’ve never tried before. If there’s an exhibit or festival or a play in town, we love to go. We used to go to Mavs and Stars games. We used to go to the arboretum and indoor rock climbing. Once, David took me for a gondola ride here in Dallas.

These days it’s hard for us to find new things we can try. It’s really hard to have a romantic date. We can’t do anything that involves too much walking. The seats at sporting events are brutal when you can’t even sit in the movie theater for two and a half hours.

A few weeks ago we did go on a date to see a Christian Improv group. It was a lot of fun, and it was shorter than a movie. They also perform at a church near our home, so we didn’t have to drive far or walk much. And Saturday David was feeling pretty good so we went bowling. David hurt quite a lot during and afterwards, but it was kind of worth it for him.

I read about cheap date idea in a magazine. It said that each person should go in the dollar store and buy a few things for the other person. I bought David puzzle books (because I’ve seen him buy them for himself), batteries (because he has so many electronic devices) and Silly Putty. David bought me a girl’s surprise bag, that deoderizing powder you sprinkle on the carpet (because I’d been complaining about the smell Henry leaves on the carpet after he eats rawhide rolls) and Dark Chocolate Rasinettes.

We both agreed that this was a horrible date idea and that we obviously didn’t know each other as well as we thought we did. David said I didn’t get the right kinds of puzzle books. He has rechargable batteries. He liked the Silly Putty. The girl’s surprise bag was a bunch of junk. Surprise bags aren’t something I’d ever buy. I like knowing what I’m paying for. And carpet deoderizing powder? It’s so …practical, for a housewife like me.

And now I have a confession. I don’t like chocolate that much. I like it. Just not every day. I’d take a lemon bar, cookie, slice of cake or pie over chocolate any time. I do like Dark Chocolate Rasinettes. I do prefer dark chocolate over milk chocolate. It’s just that I’ve told David a million times, “I’m not a chocoholic!”

So won’t you please give us your favorite date ideas? Do you have any date ideas for people with chronic illness and very little money to spend?

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David’s parents bought him a new gadget called Back 2 Life. It’s a machine that stretches your lower back.

The machine just moves your legs up and down slowly and gently. This stretches your lower back. It’s got a timer, so it stops after about ten minutes. David really likes it. It helps him loosen up.

There are also several stretches for the back David does on his own. He soaks twice a day in a hot bath filled with Epsom Salts. During a flare up he’ll use a heating pad or wear a heat patch. I even bought him Dr. Scholl’s shoe inserts for back pain. He sees a chiropractor and is about to start seeing an acupuncturist.

What do you do for back pain? Any tips or tricks?

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David’s eating habits drive me crazy. He doesn’t care if he only eats one meal a day. I keep trying to bring him over to my side of the fence where I eat small meals throughout the day. It’s not working. He eats lunch out almost workday, which is so unhealthy. Almost everything in restaurants and cafeterias has extra salt and sugar.

What is your favorite healthy lunchbox idea? Do you have any dinner recipes that taste great the next day for lunch? David is sick of me packing turkey sandwiches with carrots and apple slices. Or leftover chicken spaghetti with a side of cantelope. Or vegetarian chili. (Please note, I like all of the preceeding meals.)

Our chiropractor suggested David should limit his animal protein consumption to help with his inflammation. Got any good vegetarian lunch ideas? There is a refrigerator at work where he can store his lunch box, so keeping food cold isn’t a problem.

I’m a good cook! Really, I am. But David hates the healthy foods I love! Please, somebody help!

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Okay, I have totally been inspired by Lisa J. Copen’s new book, Beyond Casseroles: 505 Ways to Encourage a Chronically Ill Friend. I highly encourage you to read it. Even I got some great ideas and tips!

So, here’s a list of things you can do specifically for David’s situation.

1. Play video games with him. It’s David’s favorite thing to do.
2. Invite him over to your house to play video games or come over to our house and play games with him. XBox Live is great, but actually sitting next to someone, sharing a bowl of popcorn is so much better.
3. If you’re like me and you don’t like video games, play board games or cards with David.
4. If you hear of something going on in our area that doesn’t involve walking or sitting for too long, tell him about it. It’s hard for us to find things we can do.
5. Swim with him. Swimming is the easiest exercise for his joints. Take him to your gym on a day pass. Then he can soak in the hot tub afterwards which eases the pain a little.
6. Send him a card to let him know you’re praying for him.
7. Wash and/or vacuum out his car.
8. This is really more for me, but on the days he goes to the doctor, we spend an hour or more in the car and about four hours in the doctor’s office. Bringing us a healthy dinner would be much appreciated.
9. Another one for me. If you have a great vegetarian recipe that even meat lovers like, send it to me. David is supposed to limit his animal protein consumption.
10. Pray for him every time the weather changes.
11. When David has a flare up, call him and ask if you can stop by and see him.
12. If you come to our house (and you feel comfortable doing this) ask David if you can use the back massager on him. David’s parents bought him this great massager that he likes, but it’s on the heavy side and I can’t use it on him for very long.
13. Ask David if you can trim our trees or do some other project around the house.
14. When we sell our house, help us move.
15. Buy him a giant bag of Epsom Salts. He soaks in a hot bath with Epsom Salts at least twice a day. We’re constantly running out.

Love,

A Young Wife

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As every married couple knows, people ask you, “When are you going to have a baby?” all the time. Every week at church. At every wedding, baptism or baby dedication you attend. When you buy a house. When you hold a baby or play with a child. Someone’s bound to ask.

You want to know the truth?

The truth is, David and I love children. Absolutely adore our nieces and nephews. We look forward to our week to work in the church nursery, and we have a blast teaching a Sunday School class for three year olds.

Honestly? We’d have a baby right now if we could. But we can’t.

With our chronic illnesses and all our medications, we are currently physically capable. It’s very difficult being told you cannot have children until you’re healthier. And the doctors have no idea when that will be. It could be a month. It could be a year. It could be ten. 

Adoption is not an option. With our poor health, we wouldn’t even qualify to adopt. Plus, I can’t take care of David and a baby. We truly cannot have children until we’re healthy.

We’re not really worried about children. Yet. We’ve still got plenty of time, and hopefully, we’ll be healthy enough to have children before long. Most days, I’m so focused on David getting better that I don’t even think about having children. It’s just every now and then, I’ll read something, or see a stupid commercial on TV, and I’ll feel my eyes well up.

David’s pretty funny about it. We were in a toy store shopping for our nieces and nephews several months ago. We saw lots of cool toys that weren’t around when we were little, as well as toys that we remembered having fun with. As we were leaving David said, “We need to hurry up and have kids so we can buy all this cool stuff!”

Of course, he also said our dog Henry was going to help us raise our children. He said he’d get a basket we could strap on Henry’s back so he could carry a baby like a papoose. And we’d train Henry to fetch diapers and bottles. Poor Henry. He has no idea the work David has planned for him.

My parents couldn’t have children for the first ten years of their marriage. In fact, even after they had me, the doctors said it was a miracle, and they would never have another. But guess what? I have three younger brothers. I’ve heard my parents’ story so many times (see the post Fifty Facts About Ashley).

Lately what I’ve been remembering about their story is something my mother told me. She said, “If God had given us children when we wanted him to, we would have gotten a divorce. God knew what he was doing.” She said they needed those ten years of marriage to solidify their union. Not that I wasn’t the perfect daughter or anything.

Who knows why God doesn’t want us to have children right now? Maybe it’s so David and I will be a better, stronger couple. Maybe he wants us focused on other things right now. Maybe we need to grow as individuals so we can be better parents in the future. I don’t know. He is God. He is Sovereign.

So, my answer is…

We’ll have a baby when God gives us one.

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I’ve only had half a Diet Coke this morning. There. You’ve had fair warning.

What the heck? When did it become acceptable to ask a lady her age? Clearly, if I’m driving, I’m not 14. If I have a Sam’s Club card, I’m probably not 16, and you don’t need to know where my mother is before you give me a sample of food. And if I’m in business clothes sitting at a desk in an office, I’m probably at least 18, and therefor old enough that you shouldn’t ask me how old I am. Don’t even get me started on the fact that I’m wearing a wedding ring, and that should tell you a lot right there.

And why do I keep getting wedding invitations with registry information in them? Every ettiquette expert and bridal magazine will tell you that it is rude to put your registry information on/in your wedding invitation.

For goodness sake people! Arthritis is an invisible illness. Do not tell me David looks like he’s feeling better. The only people who can sometimes tell how David is feeling by looking at him is his immediate family. David is very good at acting like he’s feeling fine when he’s really in a lot of pain.

It’s not just joint pain. The rheumatologist explained that people with arthritis feel like they have the flu all the time. Remember that. Every time you talk to David, he at a minimum feels like he has the flu.

I’m sorry if I butt in on conversations you may try to have with David about his arthritis. I keep up with all his health care information, and a lot of times, he doesn’t know the answers to the questions you’re asking him. Plus, with all the medication he’s on, sometimes he has a hard time thinking clearly, remembering information or carrying on a real conversation.

Thanks. I’ve got the rest of the Diet Coke in me now.

Here’s a great tip my mother gave me for getting rid of fruit flies. Our house rarely has bugs, but I think I picked up some bad bananas at the store. The fruit flies were driving us  crazy. Mother said to fill a plastic cup three quarters of the way full with apple cider vinegar and a drop of dish soap and set it in the kitchen window. Here’s how the cup looked a few hours later.

Look at all the dead fruit flies in the bottom of the cup!

It works, Ma!

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This year for a Christmas present, David signed us both up for monthly massages at Massage Envy. Massages help him with his arthritis pain quite a bit. In fact, during The Weekend from H***, getting a massage allowed him to stand up straight.

David always feels great after a massage. I on the other hand, feel terrible. For the next two days I’m sore like you wouldn’t believe. I’ve found that eating bananas helps but doesn’t completely take away the soreness. Bananas have lots of potassium, which helps with muscle cramps. David’s parents taught me that. They had David eat lots of bananas when he was a teenager with growth pains in his legs.

Also, since I started seeing the chiropractor, massages haven’t been quite as painful. I make sure the therapist uses light pressure, and I drink extra water. But I doubt I’ll ever feel great afterwards like David does. That’s okay. He’s in so much pain all the time, he deserves a little relief.

I’ve learned that after I get a massage, I’m pretty much useless. I can’t go anywhere or get any work done. I’m lucky if I can stay awake to watch TV.

The first time David got a massage, he didn’t hear the therapist say, “Undress to your level of comfort.” He had just gotten off work, and he was wearing a dress shirt, nice slacks and a tie. I’m not sure why he thought the therapist left the room, but she came in to find him under the blanket fully dressed.

My most memorable massage was at a place I’d never tried before. I always ask for a female therapist, but this time I forgot. When I got there, and I realized I was going to have a male masseuse, I was about to tell them, “Heck no! See you later!” but then my therapist started walking towards me. He was wearing more makeup than I was, so I didn’t worry about it.

He talked the entire time he was massaging me. I hate that. I want a therapist to talk to me before and after the massage, but while they’re working on me, I want quiet. I’m there to relax, not share my life story or hear yours. That’s what blogs are for!

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