A Young Wife’s Tale

Not long after David was diagnosed with Psoriatic Arthritis, before he started having flares that left him bedridden, I, the caregiver, had an anxiety attack. I blame it on the health insurance company we had at the time and my HR department. Here’s the gist of what made me so stressed out. Our health insurance [...]

The day David was diagnosed with Psoriatic Arthritis we learned several things. One, David has psoriasis. He thought he merely had dandruff. Two, he had Psoriatic Arthritis, which we’d never heard of. David and I both felt pretty good when we left the rheumatologist’s office. We had a name for David’s terrible back pain. The doctor was starting him on medication, sending him for x-rays and a bone scan. The rheumatologist said he’d soon be in remission.

We were so naive. The rheumatologist was overly optimistic. (A year later he was fired.) Here’s what I wish I’d known the day my husband was diagnosed with Psoriatic Arthritis.

1. Remission is not as easy as the doctor makes it sound. David was diagnosed in February 2008. He didn’t go into remission until December 2010. He got much, much worse than he was the day he was diagnosed before he got better.

2. Remission does not mean you’ll be doing everything you were doing before the diagnosis. David still has pain every day. He’ll probably never go back to playing softball, racquetball and wakeboarding. We are extremely grateful that he is doing as well as he is. But it’s not like it was before the diagnosis. Remission does not mean cured.

Being the well spouse or caregiver is hard. I’m not going to sugar coat it for anyone. David’s psoriatic arthritis has been fairly stable lately, praise God. I hope this post is an encouragement to other well spouses out there, dealing with the frustrations of chronic illness.

I love my husband. We have a happy marriage, but lest you think I don’t ever get tired of taking care of David, here are some things I’ve asked David, in my mind or out loud.

*Why did you wait until I was asleep to ask me to rub your back?

*Why didn’t you tell me you were running low on your medication? You’ve been out for a week! No wonder you’ve been so cranky.

I’m so excited to feature Pam Stokes Hunter as a guest blogger today! Pam is a very happily married 43 year old SAHM. Her kids are 15 & 17. You can read more about Pam and her struggles with fibromyalgia on her blog, The Journey Leads Home.

I’ve been doing some comparing this weekend. I have been comparing this Christmas season to last Christmas season. I believe I can honestly say last year was the worse Christmas I can remember having. To be completely honest with you I don’t really even remember much of it. I don’t even remember Christmas Day at all. That has nothing to do with my chronic illnesses. After having foot surgery on my right foot the first part of December I thought our holiday season was gonna be spent with me on bed rest with a cast and crutches and everyone waiting on me hand and foot. Little did I know that that was gonna be the least of my concerns although the cast and crutches part was true. After the first week I didn’t get a chance to spend much time in bed. If you are a regular reader of mine then you know that the last year has been the biggest battle in my family’s life.

I don’t know that I’ve ever used David’s arthritis as an excuse to get out of something, but I have said these words a few times, “Honey, I’m not glad you have arthritis, but I’m we don’t have to go to X because of your arthritis.” Terrible, I know. It’s so difficult for us to get out and do stuff, you’d think I’d jump at every opportunity to leave the house.