When my husband and I were engaged, my mother told me, “I don’t care whether or not you go for pre-marital counseling. Nothing can prepare you for marriage.” She was right, but not even my mother knew the challenges my husband and I would face in our marriage.

On July 8, we celebrated five years of marriage. Those five years have been dominated by health problems. It started off with my health. I had severe TMJ Disorder and a knee injury. Then in our second year of marriage, my husband, David, was diagnosed with Psoriatic Arthritis. Although he was being treated, he continued to get worse until our third year of marriage when he began experiencing flares that left him bedridden for days at a time.

Premarital counseling doesn’t cover bathing and dressing your twenty-something husband. There isn’t a chapter about chronic pain interfering with intimacy nestled between the chapters on budgets and chores in the books they give you. No one gives you advice on what to do when your health insurance doesn’t cover the medication your husband needs that costs as much as your monthly mortgage payment. And they sure didn’t tell us how desperate for a cure we’d be. We’ve tried just about everything, some things like chiropractic care and acupuncture, with better results than others, like eliminating dairy from his diet.

Last December, David’s Psoriatic Arthritis went into remission. It was an answer to prayer, but we have no idea how long it will last. He could go back to being bedridden at any time. He still has pain every day, but he, and consequently we, are living a more normal life now. We can go to the movies. David can take our dog for short walks. We are so grateful.

The two things that have sustained me during the worst of times are my Christian faith and our support system, comprised of our family, a few close friends (including other young people with chronic illnesses I’ve met online) and our church. However, I think those two things would help any marriage struggling with any problem. Marriage is a lot of work. Whether you face cancer, a chronic illness, infertility or financial problems, marriage is hard.

One thing I do know: even with our health problems, I am a happier, better person for being married to my husband.

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Jenny B. Jones has a great sense of humor. Every chapter of her book, Save the Date, had me laughing out loud.

It tells the story of Lucy and Alex. Lucy is a klutzy blonde who runs a group home for young women who have aged out of the foster care system. She grew up poor, and disdains people like Alex Sinclair, a wealthy former professional football player who is running for congress. He proposes they fake an engagement to help him win the election. In exchange, he promises funding for her group home.

I enjoyed the story and its hilarious one-liners. It was entertaining to read about Lucy blundering her way through the political scene in South Carolina. There were some surprising twists in Save the Date, too. I’d recommend this book to anyone who enjoys Christian Fiction or chick-lit.

That being said, I did not like the pastor’s feel good preaching in the book. Also, at one point, two Christian men were discussing “things that really matter” and family seemed to be the only thing that mattered. There was no mention of honoring God, obeying God, the great commission or the fruit of the spirit. I did appreciate the author making it clear that Alex and Lucy’s lies were wrong, no matter how good their intentions were.

Save the Date is a cute, romantic read.

Disclosure: I received a copy of this book from Thomas Nelson Publishers through Book Sneeze in exchange for writing a review.

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An Amish Love is some of the best Amish fiction I’ve ever read. The book is composed of three novellas, and includes questions for reading groups and Amish recipes. In “A Marriage of the Heart” by Kelly Long, Abby Kaufman tricks Joseph Lambert into marrying her so that she can get away from her father, but Joseph ends up moving in with them. “What the Heart Sees” by Kathleen Fuller tells the story of how Christopher Miller returns to his community after leaving to escape the death of his girlfriend in an accident that also blinded Ellie Chupp. And in “Healing Hearts” by Beth Wiseman, empty nesters must try to learn to live together again after almost a year apart.

All three stories were good, Christian romances. “What the Heart Sees” had a wonderful message of forgiveness. I liked how “Healing Hearts” featured a middle aged married couple, instead of the same old young man meets young woman story, and how it emphasized the sovereignty of God. “A Marriage of the Heart” was full of delightful twists and playful banter. The unusual start to the couple’s marriage was quite entertaining. A restaurant called “Yoder’s Pantry” is featured in all three novellas, and all the descriptions of the good food made me hungry!

I would definitely recommend An Amish Love to people who like Christian romances or Amish fiction.

Disclosure: Thomas Nelson provided me with a complimentary copy of this book through Booksneeze.

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Then Sings My Soul by Robert J. Morgan tells the stories behind 150 popular Christian hymns. Mr. Morgan writes about the songwriters, sharing the hardships they faced and how they came to faith in Christ. Reading the stories also gives the reader a lesson in church history, with some hymns dating back to eighth century, A.D. Each story is accompanied by the music and lyrics to its corresponding hymn.

This is one of the best books I’ve read in quite some time. Reading the heartbreaking story behind Now Thank We All Our God so close to Thanksgiving was very timely, and makes me feel ashamed for not giving thanks more often. Another hymn of Thanksgiving, We Gather Together, had a surprising story behind it. It was written in 1597 to celebrate Holland’s freedom from Spain. There were so many hymns written during times of religious persecution. It was truly inspiring to read of the faith of Christian brothers and sisters.

My favorite hymn, Come, Thou Fount of Every Blessing was written in 1758 in England, by Robert Robinson for his sermon on Pentecost Sunday. Just as I am was written by a woman with a chronic illness. I think you get more out of songs when you know a little bit of history like that.

I would highly recommend this book to anyone. It would make an excellent Christmas gift for pastors, music ministers, musicians and Christians in general.

Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from the publisher through the BookSneeze.com book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 : “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

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Thoughts from the mind of a well spouse (me!) this week.

Will it always be like this? It feels like we’ve been married 10+ years. The first year of our marriage was spent dealing with my TMJ disorder and knee injury. Since then it’s been all about psoriatic arthritis. We’ve tried so many treatments. I read all these wonderful stories by Christians with chronic illness describing how they don’t let their chronic illness define their marriage, and I just don’t see how they do it. It permeates every aspect of our lives.

Why is the alarm clock on my side of the bed? Psoriatic arthritis doesn’t affect David’s hearing.

I hate New Jersey. We’ve been here seven months. I have tried, but I still hate it.

When I call to pay $75 towards a $103 doctor’s bill, billing associates shouldn’t ask me when more funds will be added to my HSA card because they “just don’t want me to be sent to collections.” Um, did you want me to pay you or not? You didn’t send me to collections for two months over the whole amount, but now because I’m paying you, you’re sending me to collections?

I’m so thankful David’s contract job turned into a permanent position. I am not thankful that we have change insurance companies and possibly all of our doctors. I am also not thankful for a 60 day waiting period during which we’ll have to be on COBRA.

I need to go to the drug store and pick up one of David’s scripts. And more Diet Coke.

This month’s electric bill is half of last month’s! Thank you, God for temperatures in the 60s and 70s!

I miss the days when I could make pasta or order pizza for dinner. I really miss Tex-Mex.

I do not like Chipotle, but that’s what David wants for his birthday dinner. (Bol not a burrito! He’s staying gluten free!) Maybe I could drop him off at Chipotle and go get a pizza…Nah, it’s his birthday. I’ll just drink a Diet Coke while he eats and then pig out on the gluten free cake I’m making. I’m hoping to make it look like the Death Star. Yes, I am a geek.

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I am a stereotype.

I was born and raised in the Dallas area.

I received a calf for my third birthday (and it wasn’t from my parents).

I worked for an oil and gas company for over six years.

I took tap/ballet/theater/art classes, but I never played on any sports teams. (I remember watching my best friend play t-ball. I cheered for her, but I had no desire to play myself.)

I was a Girl Scout.

I was in a “scholarship program” once. I wish I had a video tape of my Sister Act talent show routine.

I am conservative.

My husband is the only man I’ve ever kissed.

I own a gun.

I am a reformed baptist. (Yeah, I admit it: I’m a Christian with a preferred denomination.)

I like Twilight, Jane Eyre, Love Comes Softly, The Choice and anything by Jane Austen.

I am a housewife.

I am a stereotype. Unless you ask the right questions.

I’m a total sci-fi/fantasy nerd. I love the Chronicles of Narnia, The Lord of the Rings, Star Wars, Star Trek…

I begged my parents to homeschool me for high school after eight years in public school.

I enjoy wakeboarding and knitting.

My two favorite movies are The Princess Bride and The Hunt for Red October.

I had all the rare side effects no ever gets (except for Brother #1) after my wisdom teeth were pulled.

And oh, yeah. How many women my age do you know that are caring for their arthritic husband?

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Faithful, by Kim Cash Tate, is a about three Christian women who are best friends. Cydney or “Cyd” has remained pure, patiently waiting for God to send her a husband. She spends her 40th birthday as her baby sister’s maid of honor. Dana discovers her husband is having an affair. Phyllis grows discouraged that her husband has not become a Christian.

The book obviously has some adult content. It was a really great story, and I appreciated that the author makes it clear we have to be faithful with our hearts and minds, not just our bodies.

Unfortunately, about halfway through the book, I started having issues with the story. First, the church the women attend has a topical sermon series on intimacy. That means that families can’t worship together. Of course I believe the Bible should be preached, but children should be able to sit through sermons.

Next, the church starts intimacy discussion groups. Nothing wrong with that, except that these discussion groups include men and women. How can men or women be honest and hold each other accountable in a group like that? Also, I don’t think it’s right for a single, Christian woman to “mentor” a single man.

The story was compelling and the characters felt very real to me. The message that God is always faithful is a good one. However, some of the things the characters did make this a book I cannot in good conscience recommend.

Disclosure: Thomas Nelson Publishers provided me with a complimentary copy of this book through Booksneeze.

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Works for Me Wednesday is hosted by We Are That Family.

Recently I’ve changed the way I think about housework. Instead of telling myself, “I’ve got to get the bathroom cleaned today!” I just think, “It would be so nice to get the bathroom cleaned today.”

Or instead of saying, “I should make the bed,” I tell myself, “The bedroom would look so nice if the bed was made, and Henry wouldn’t be as tempted to chew on the neck roll pillow if it was off of the floor.”

Instead of saying, “This room is a mess, and the clutter is driving me nuts!” I try to tell myself, “I’ll feel so much calmer and more relaxed if I get this room picked up.”

It’s just a little bit more positive, and then if I don’t get it done, I don’t feel quite as bad. It helps me not put so much pressure on myself. A dear Christian friend told me once that the best parenting advice she ever received was, “The dust bunnies will still be there tomorrow.” It works for me!

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More questions and answers. Thank you, Karen, for asking so many great questions!

Can you ever drink to much Diet Coke? No. Never. If you’re worried the caffeine will keep you awake at night, well that’s what God made Caffeine Free Diet Coke for. It’s in the gold can.

Why was David diagnosed with Psoriatic Arthritis instead of say Rheumatoid Arthritis? Was he misdiagnosed at first? David has seen two rheumatologists and they both agree that David has Psoriatic Arthritis. In high school and college David experienced back pain, and he was always given stretches and muscle relaxers. The doctors just assumed the pain was from playing sports.

So I guess you could say that he was misdiagnosed, but I’ve never really thought of it that way. As soon as a doctor took an x-ray of his back and did blood work they sent him to a rheumatologist. The other doctors were just being minimally invasive and David seemed so healthy. They really had no reason to think the back pain was arthritis unless they were looking back through his chart seeing how often David was complaining of back pain, but even then, they still probably would have thought it was a torn ligament or something more common.

David has psoriasis on his scalp, and he did have patches of psoriasis on his knees once just before his worst flare up ever. After the blood work, x-rays and bone scan were done, the presence of Psoriasis, and the absence of the rheumatoid factor is what led doctors to diagnose David with Psoriatic Arthritis, although I have learned that David could develop rheumatoid arthritis.

Where does David have Psoriatic Arthritis? In every joint in his body, except his shoulders. His ribs and collar bone are also affected. The arthritis is most severe in David’s spine.

When does New Moon come out on DVD? Saturday, March 20. When Twilight came out on DVD, I sent David to Wal-Mart at midnight thinking there would be hoards of screaming girls just like the movie premiere and that stores would sell out quickly. They didn’t. In fact, Wal-Mart hadn’t even put the Blu-Rays out yet. So David went back a few hours later and then watched it with me. What a great husband!

Does your TMJ Disorder cause pain anywhere besides your jaw? Yes. Some TMJD sufferers get migranes. Thankfully, I do not. I do experience pain in my occipital lobe (the base of the skull just above the neck). Occasionally the jaw pain makes it feel as if I have an ear infection. Sometimes the pain in my jaw shoots down into my neck, but praise God, my jaw really is so much better than it was a few years ago. My TMJD specialist and my chiropractor have worked miracles on my jaw.

Are you guys moving? It depends on where David’s next job takes us. We would love to stay right here in Dallas with our family and friends, but Arizona would be a better climate for David’s joints, and since David has been out of work for two and a half months, he’d take a job pretty much anywhere at this point. He is actually interviewing in New Jersey today, so we’ll see where the Lord leads us.

What’s the best thing for David when he flares? David soaks in a hot bath with epsom salts every day. When he flares, he takes additional hot baths. Sometimes he will use a heating pad or Therma Heat patches. Often when he flares the doctor will give him an injection of arthritis medication directly into his back. There’s really not a whole lot we can do except wait it out. David has tried acupuncture, but it is a bit expensive, although it does provide considerable relief.

What helps your jaw when it’s hurting? Rest and relaxation. I try to eat soft foods like mashed potatoes and yogurt when my jaw hurts, so that my jaw can rest. Relaxation through exercise, massage therapy, playing the piano, etc. helps quite a bit. When my jaw pain was very bad a few years ago, I would sometimes drink hot beverages to relax my muscles. I wish you could have seen me with my mouth full of Chai Tea Latte leaning to one side to hold the hot liquid where I wanted it.

Why don’t you have a smart phone? First, money. It’s more expensive than my low tech phone. Second, the internet is so widely available, I really don’t need to have it on my phone. I can check email practically every where I go, and if I happen to be somewhere without internet access and I desperately need to blog or task a satelliete, well, that’s what David’s for.

Thanks for all the great questions and keep them coming!

Love,
A Young Wife

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Matthew 5:37 Simply let your ‘yes’ be ‘yes,’ and your ‘no’, ‘no’; anything beyond this comes from the evil one.

I am so sick of people not doing what they say they will. If you say, “I will be there,” or “I will help you with X,” or “I will give X to the church/poor/charity,” and then do not do what you said you would, you have lied. If you cannot commit to something, don’t.

You are not more important than your neighbor. Certainly, if you have pneumonia, no one wants you at their party or class. If someone loses their job, of course I don’t expect them to go to an expensive event they had said they would attend.

Not doing what you say you will do should be rare. Christians should be reliable, dependable and trustworthy.

Life is crazy. But guess what? It’s crazy for everyone. If you tell me you’re going to do something you’d better not go back on your word because you’re “tired”.

If you think I’m being ridiculous, listen to R.C. Sproul’s sermon on Renewing Your Mind called “Oaths and Promises“.

This Public Service Announcement is over.

Thank you,

A Young Wife

P.S. This post was not inspired by anyone who reads this blog. So if you’re reading this and you’re worried that I’m talking about you, I’m not.

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