Married Life
20 Jul
I finally picked up David’s muscle relaxers. Good grief. Why do I always forget to pick up prescriptions? I use the Kroger pharmacy. I’m in there all the time for groceries. Anyway, I’m not sure, but I think David will take one tonight. We’ll see if it helps.
I’ve been thinking about marriage lately, I guess because we just celebrated our anniversary. David is a wonderful husband. He supports me being a houswife, and even thanks me for making dinner and cleaning house. I was working on this post the other day, and I asked him if there was anything special I did with cleaning the house or the laundry, or if he’d noticed any tricks I have or different ways of doing things.
“Well, you’re really good at dusting!” he replied. It cracked me up. So sweet. Not quite what I was looking for, but much appreciated.
Oh, and he bought me these even though we said no presents for our anniversary this year. Flowers are ten times better when your husband has already put them in a vase.
So here’s a few tidbits about our married life.
We completely ruined all other vacations with our honeymoon. We stayed at The Mansion on Turtle Creek and took a fabulous seven day cruise. Now any time we go anywhere, we’ll say, “Well, this is nice, but it’s not as nice as The Mansion.” We took a fun trip to a resort in Jamaica last year. We both agreed it was great, but not as great as our cruise.
David and I have communication problems like most married couples. I’ve learned that David does not volunteer any information. I must never assume anything. I have to ask him everything, sometimes more than once in order to get a straight answer. For instance, if I say, “Hey, do you want to go to a concert?” David will automatically respond, “Yeah, sure,” even if he has no interest in seeing a concert. He just thinks that I want him to say yes. If I say I like or want something, David thinks he needs to get it for me right now*. It’s something we’ll be working on for the next fifty years or so.
We have a very high maintanence relationship. We need to spends LOTS of time together. We have only been apart three nights. The first time David was on a business trip, and I joined him the next day, so we spent less than 24 hours apart. Then, David went to a men’s retreat with our church. We were apart almost exactly 24 hours. The third night was when I went on a ladies’ retreat. Again we were apart less than 24 hours. It’s was so weird each time we slept apart. Now, David’s planning this year’s men’s retreat for our church. Maybe he’ll come home to sleep instead of camping! We were like this when we were dating. I guess it’s good that we have similar ideas of fun, because we are together all the time. Are we sick, co-dependent people? Are we weird? Does anyone else hate being away from their spouse?
During our first year of marriage, David was considering a position in Fort Worth. At first I was so resistant. I did not want to be that far from our family and church. Then, I started looking at houses, and I found the perfect floor plan. By then, David had decided not to pursue the job in Fort Worth. Now, it’s hilarious thinking that Fort Worth is so far away when we could possibly be moving to Arizona.
Take all that and throw in all the stories about our illnesses and you’ve got our first three years of marriage! Health problems are our biggest challenge. It completely overwhelms every aspect of our lives. Number two would be communication. So, other married people, what’s the biggest challenge for your marriage? And if you have children, how did they change your marriage? Or, if you have a chronic illness, how did that affect your marriage?
*UPDATE
Last night I was almost asleep. David and I were still kind of talking. “You know that song, What if Cartoons Got Saved?? I really like that song,” I said. David reached for his Iphone, found the song and played it for me. I am not making this up.
COmmunication is number one. Men and women communicate SO differently anyway! I will say something and Doug will just blow up. I’m like, WHAT?!? And he’ll say what he heard me say, when it’s not even close to what I MEANT. He does the same to me, so I’ve learned to say, “Okay, I’m not trying to start an argument, but when you say ____ did you mean __________ or ___________? It’s HILARIOUS when he looks at me like, “How could you possibly think I meant ________?” Ug.
Being ill is a HUGE stress on a marriage. My amazing hubby married me knowing I wasn’t well, but we both thought it was just stress. Six weeks later I’m in the hospital, and 12 weeks after our marriage I was being told I might have an incurable, degenerative, terminal disease. (Which I only have the incurable part, but it’s not terminal…not by itself anyway!) We need patience in spades, and have to learn to try and not be disappointed when I can’t do the things I want to do.
Next month will be 9 years. I love you, Honey!!
This sounds A LOT like my marriage. My husband gives me incredibly vague answers, and then acts absolutely shocked when I tell him that I am still waiting on an answer. “But I just answered you!” Or he will say “I don’t know” about things he clearly knows. For instance, if I leave the room while we are watching TV, and then I ask him what happened while I was gone. “I dunno.” Or “nothing.” Well, that was helpful!
And he will just say yes to anything as well. “Do you want to go to concert?” “I want to be where you are!” “Ok, but do you want to go to a concert?” (Although I do think this is pretty sweet!)
And also, we hate to be apart. We have actually never spent the night apart. Once I was planning to go to North Carolina to visit a friend by myself, but we ended up shifting the dates a bit at the last minute so he could tag along too! High maintenance or the way a marriage is suppose to be? I hope it’s the latter!
“*UPDATE
Last night I was almost asleep. David and I were still kind of talking. “You know that song, What if Cartoons Got Saved?? I really like that song,” I said. David reached for his Iphone, found the song and played it for me. I am not making this up.”
Now THAT is love!
“Yabba-dabba-do-jah!”