New Jersey Housewives Kit

My cousin, Merry, and her sisters created this New Jersey Housewives Kit. Merry also wrote and sang this song for me. It’s to the tune of “The Yellow Rose of Texas”.

She’s a yellow rose of Texas
And she’s moving far from home
Those crazy Jersey housewives
Will soon call her one of their own
But girl they’re very different, Big hair and everything
So here’s a Jersy housewife kit to get you settled in.

Black eyeliner but only if three applications are applied
And midnight black mascara on top of those big doe eyes.
Charmin for the ta tas, not saying that you’re small
But in Jersey they’re all hanging out – there they show it all.
Press on nails for glamour girls, and hairspray for some ump,
We know thing are big in Texas, but in Jersey they did create the bump!
Can’t forget the spray on tan, I noticed you’re kinda white
And tanning salons are status quo morning, noon, and night.
Tattoos for your rebel side so you can fit right in
Cuz we both know tattoo ink will never touch your skin.
Fire engine red nail polish for your toes and you must apply
And wear high heeled sandals with toes rings – oh my!
Regardless of what crazy things and sights that you may see
Show them a little bit of Ashley and how crazy Texas can be!
And the Yellow Rose of Texas beat the Belles of New Jersey!

So, dear cousins, I used the kit.

I couldn’t quite make the Charmin work. Guess I’d better have my cousins show me how to use it.

Thanks, ladies! I wish I had Merry on video singing this. And seriously no offense to the good people of New Jersey. I wouldn’t stereotype you any more than you would stereotype me by thinking that I lived on a ranch and rode a horse to check on my oil wells.

Love,
A Young Wife