Cruel Comments
18 Sep
It’s National Chronic Invisible Illness Awareness Week. Check out this website for more information.
Over the years we’ve heard some cruel comments about David’s arthritis.
Before David received his diagnosis, I went to Sunday School by myself one Sunday. A man asked me where David was. I told him that David was home because of back pain. His response, “Well my back hurts all the time. I’m still here.” We don’t go to that church any more.
That one was probably the worst. David doesn’t get his feelings hurt like I do. In fact, often, I’ll be upset about some hurtful thing someone has said, and he’ll be like, “What? Who said that? I didn’t hear that.”
Ha, ha, rude people. My husband isn’t even listening to you!
Most of the negative things people say aren’t meant to be mean or rude. They’re just said out of ignorance, such as people saying I shouldn’t be doing David’s work around the house.
Sometimes loved ones will even make comments that sting. Usually, if it’s someone we’re close with, I’ll try to explain the situation. Everyone knows David has arthritis, but sometimes I have to explain in nitty, gritty detail how bad it is. But, a lot of people, even people we love, just don’t get it. If you have a chronic illness, tell me, when and how far do you go trying to explain your situation to ignorant folks?
We’re prepared for an onslaught of negative comments once we get the handicap parking permit. David doesn’t look sick, hence the invisible illness. I’m sure we’ll get all sorts of busybodys telling us we’re going to jail and hell for using the handicap parking reserved for the elderly people that really need it. I need to craft a standard response to these comments. Any suggestions?
I guess I could take the high road and not get down to their level and say, “My husband has debilitating Psoriatic Arthritis.” But wouldn’t it be so much more effective to hand them a phamplet on National Chronic Invisible Illness Awareness Week? Or a Pamprin?
How about this, “Jesus loves you and me and my husband. I don’t know why he has arthritis, but maybe it’s so that we can tell people like you about how he died on the cross for your sins. Have you heard the good news? Are you a Christian?”
Then David would probably tell them that the permit is really for me because I have a mental handicap.
I think you should refrain from stouping to the level and say nothing.
You shouldn’t have to explain your life to the ignorant!
GIRL! This JUST happened to me last night. This is from part of my blog last night:
So I’m on my way out, feeling a little tired, but mostly just in pain from my hips. I put my 3 little bags in the car, turn to get in, and notice this bleach-blonde, itty-bitty, overly-spunky soccer mom craning her neck to glare at me as she’s pushing her 1525 pound cart to her mini-van. I felt like running her over, to be completely frank. I felt like driving over to her car and giving her the lecture of her life. Just because I’m not in a wheelchair or blind or have a helper-dog or whatever doesn’t mean there’s nothing wrong with me. I could just SEE what she was thinking. Pain makes me very cranky, and I had just about had it. It took FOUR DAYS to get different pain meds that would hopefully work, and this woman looked at me and judged me in about 5 seconds. So to you, missy: May the fleas of a thousand camels infest your armpits, and may you never experience half of what I’ve been through. You obviously couldn’t handle it.
No one has actually had the nerve to say anything to me, but I guarantee if they did, they would get an earful. I think your last answer is the best and most appropriate…I would probably smack them. : P
Most everyone is going to experience extreme pain of some sort eventually. It may be short lived but perhaps at that time they will reflect on their past judgements and repent. …We can hope anyway.