Urge to Procreate Rising
20 Oct
We want a baby. We really, really want a baby. Yes, we. As in, David researched cloth diapers and making your own organic baby food.
It stinks that we can’t even use this time without children to do all the stuff everyone tells you to do before you have kids! Psoriatic Arthritis is a pain in the neck. Well, literally, too. We just spend lots of time at home. Wishing. And Hoping. Planning and Dreaming…
Yes, I admit, I have gone online to Old Navy and Motherhood.com and placed maternity clothes in my virtual shopping cart. No, I didn’t actually buy any of them. Yet.
David and I fight over who gets to hold our friends’ babies. And teaching the three year olds’ Sunday school class at church is a delight. Don’t try to tell us that working in the church nursery or babysitting is good birth control. It doesn’t help that my nieces and nephews are just so darn cute! I married into a good gene pool.
Technically we’re very young, but we feel really old. Sometimes David thinks we should just stop all our meds for awhile and try to get pregnant now. You know. Before the arthritis gets worse. We try not to think that way, but a few days ago I was listening to this archived podcast from National Chronic Invisible Illness Awareness Week, and the speakers totally confirmed that we’re not alone in this thinking. People with chronic illness may not have plenty of time.
When we start thinking that we don’t have time, I just think about the days when David flares and I have to dress him. Then, I try to imagine doing that while I’m eight months pregnant. Or making an emergency trip to the rheumy with a newborn. Or what if I had to have a c-section and David was flaring?
Yes, I’ve thought of quite a few worst case scenarios. Maybe I’m even worrying. I think I’ll go to sleep now. Tomorrow has enough troubles of its own.
Oh sweetie. I so know how you feel. I remember when I wanted a baby SO badly, and I just couldn’t. I was too sick. Then my NIECE had a baby. That just seemed so unfair. And everywhere you look, you see babies. And then you hear about some crack addict who got pregnant and threw their baby away, or some 13 year old who gets pregnant, and your heart just snaps in half. I know it hurts, and I’m sorry you have to struggle with this.
I never would have had a child if we hadn’t just gone for it. Was it difficult? Yes. The hardest thing I’ve ever done, hands down. Was it worth it? Oh my GOSH yes. I had questions too: What if I drop the baby? (MG makes you really weak). What if I fall and can’t get to the baby? What if I have to go to the hospital suddenly? What if? What if?
You can play that game til the cows come home. What it came down to for us was prayer. We tried in vitro using a surrogate, so I wouldn’t have to go off my meds, but it didn’t work. I didn’t respond to the fertility drugs. I just assumed I couldn’t get pregnant. God told me I needed to submit to my husband, who wanted his own biological child (I was ready to adopt). I agreed, and got pregnant 12 weeks after we started trying.
The pregnancy was super hard on me, and then Jacob was sick and in the NICU for 36 days. Bottom line is, ask God. Ask Him to give you a clear answer about what He wants you to do. It’s like you can “afford” to have a child, you need more of this, more time, more something.
If it is God’s will, it will work! Sorry so long winded today! This is just very close to my heart…
Love you guys.
Just do it! We will help out with any flare ups! That’s what friends and family are for!
There’s never a perfect time if you think too logically! You sound like you have amazing family. There can never be too many folks loving a child. A big, extended Southern family is a great blessing for a child! When I got sick I worried about what it would mean for my child – a wise friend told me “you two already give him parents that love each other and that’s a great gift for a child”. It will work out – God Bless!
I wonder (& I might need to ask my bro David this in person) what is your view/likelihood of adopting a child?
Is this something your family is open to or not?
Good question. We did some research on adopting, and I really don’t think anyone would give us a baby with our current medical conditions. Also, there’s the cost. I could never handle the stress of a state adoption, and private adoption is expensive although some of the cost is tax deductible. So, we’d be happy to adopt, but it doesn’t seem possible at this point.
i hope everything works out the way you want it to be. congrats on your SITS day!
so glad you guys are on the same page with the baby thing. I have baby fever myself, but my husband prefers to wait a couple years
. Anyways, I hope it really works out for you guys. You both deserve it and from what I’ve read so far you guys seem really strong and together you can get through anything. I know it makes it more challenging having a chronic illness, but I wish you both the best of luck with whatever you choose to do!!
What a difficult situation! Sometimes, I think, you have to jump right in and the rest will happen. You have friends and family who will be there to help you out when you need them, I’m sure! Best wishes!
*hugs* Just pray.
It’s a huge decision. But if you wait for the right time, it will never happen. Good luck.
Happy SITS day.
LisaDay
A very hard place to be in. Like most of the other commenters said, it will never seem like the perfect time. You will have to just trust in God that he will take care of the details. Very hard to do, I know.
Good luck! Happy SITS day!
aw honey. I hope everything works out for you guys! That is such a tough spot to be in. I’m with the one above who said there is never a right time. But with you guys you have to work around the meds which is so hard. (((hugs))) I wish you the best of luck and hope it comes to be soon!
Hang in there! It is so wonderful you can blog about this and have so much support. You are in my thoughts and I hope it will work out for you! Chronic illness is very challenging. I work in the ICU and see people with many kinds of chronic disease that affects their lives greatly. It seems you have a wonderful partnership in marriage and I wish you well! Looking forward to following along the way! Big HUG!
As someone who went through IVF, I really wish someone would have discussed the aging process with me when I was younger—in my 20′s.
I just took for granted that my body would work when I wanted it to.
No one can make the decision for you, but I would maybe discuss your concerns for the future and waiting with your husbands team of medical docs.
Or perhaps online forums that share your husbands illness? Maybe they could provide some insight.
I am almost 39 and my biggest regrets in life are not things that I have done—and screwed up on–although there are a few, but mostly on things that I have NOT done, and can just no longer go back and do.
Best wishes for you both. I think you will find these challenges would strengthen your love and respect for one another.
I hope you have a super SITS day. Hugs.
My friend has MS. It’s still in the early stages but she has flare ups that can put her out of commission. He doctors recommended she have kids early if she wanted them. So she went off her meds and did the pregnancy thing.
It’s tough when you have a medical issue. But it is probably better to do it know when you are both young and relatively high energy (mostly) becuase kids are energy drainers
Good luck in your decisions!
Visiting From SITS on your SITS day
Yes, there really isn’t a “right time” to have a baby, but there isn’t a right time for David to stop taking his meds either.
you can play the what if,when is the right time, are we ready for this finacially, physically, mentally. NO No one ever is sick ot healthy. But God provides and protects. #5 was concieved 5 months after major brain surgery and I had no choice but to stay on the meds. She was born at 40 weeks, and healthy. They kept us an extra week, but with her in my room, to make sure she didn’t have anywith drawl symptoms and she had none! Praise be to God! She is my joy, along with the others too. But for her to come at such a toubled time, ugh, i was wracked with fears. But God has protected her, and provided our family 4 years of my 6 with chronic pain and illness, tremendous joy!