At the ripe old age of 23, my husband David was diagnosed with psoriatic arthritis. We were newlyweds. Chronic illness has completely changed our lives.
David’s arthritis is not currently under control, and he is in constant pain. David and I have lost many things due to his chronic illness. Our youth and our newlywed years, for instance. We feel very old most of the time. It’s very rare that we get to do the things that so many others young married couples do. We don’t get to go bowling or dancing. We’re not working on the yard together every weekend. We don’t even get to go to the movies or to sporting events very often because it’s so hard for David to sit in the chairs for two and a half hours.
We had so much fun dancing back in the day...
We’ve certainly lost a lot of money. Specialists are expensive! And David will probably never be able to start his own computer company, even though he could make a lot more money that way. We just can’t do without benefits.
As many young couples know, people ask you all the time, “When are you going to have a baby?” Due to the medication David has to take, we’ve lost the ability to have children right now. Until the arthritis is under control, and we have no idea how long that will be, we can’t have children.
But I think the most significant things we’ve lost due to David’s psoriatic arthritis are our pride and self-reliance. We can’t tell people we’re fine. We have to ask for help. We have to accept help.
I didn’t realize how proud and self-reliant I was until that horrible weekend in January when David had his worst flare up ever. It was hard asking for and accepting help that weekend, for both of us. David certainly didn’t want me to have to dress him, or help him into the car. I was very reluctant to ask our parents to bring us meals. Our parents! They gave us life and raised us for how many years?
I remember one particular night in my ladies Bible Study. God clearly spoke to me about this issue. One of the ladies asked me what kind of mattress we sleep on, since it’s David’s back that bothers him the most. I told them it was just an average mattress, but my in-laws wanted to buy us a new one. At the exact same moment, two women both said, “Let them!” The only way God could have made it clearer would have been a burning bush!
God has also used my dear friend, Maegan. Several times she has offered to help me with something only to hear me say, “Oh, it’s okay. We’re alright. You don’t have to.” Bless her heart, she doesn’t take no for an answer. She helps anyway and what a blessing it is when she does.
I guess I’m just an old fashioned American, trying to pull myself up by my bootstraps. That doesn’t seem to be what God has in mind for me. We are to bear one anothers burdens in love (Ephesians 4:2). It’s still a struggle, but I’m getting better at asking for help. So is David. We don’t really have a choice!
A more recent picture of us.
Great post. One the hardest lessons to learn is humility. To let go of that pride and let God do it! He does it many times through others. We have had to learn this lesson as well.
God bless you dear,
Michele
[...] self-reliance and ability to have children due to his psoriatic arthritis. Through Ashley’s blog, A Young Wife’s Tale, she share what they found was the love of burden bearers such as family and friends who have [...]
Ashley,
You are learning maturity beyond your years. God will certainly use you and David in many ways to bring Him glory and give you good things.
Letting others help you is one way that the Lord is glorified–even though it is a very hard thing for you to do. It is very humbling to have to accept help. I don’t like it either, but it opens up opportunities for others to serve.
Just remember that even as you are accepting help, YOU are serving and giving as well, and being a blessing to others.
I pray for your strength and courage in your young marriage. You are a beautiful couple! Please continue to share with us the things you are learning on your journey. It is a gift you are giving to others.
Blessings,
Lisa
{{{Ashley}}}
Thank you for sharing from your heart. My husband and I have struggled with chronic illness in marriage for nearly 17 years now, including a journey through infertility, so I especially feel for you in the grief of delayed family growth. God is still teaching me about graciously asking for and accepting help, but I’m learning that it truly is a blessing to others for them to be able to be used by God to enrich our lives. May the Lord continue to grow and bless you both through your journey together.
Jenni
http://www.HarvestingHope.blogspot.com
Yes, God is already using you!
John 11:4
When he heard this, Jesus said, “This sickness will not end in death. No, it is for God’s glory so that God’s Son may be glorified through it.”
~Cyndi
God Nuggets Blog
Hi Ashley,
I’m not as young as you (I’ve just turned 45) and I haven’t been married, but reading your blog post bought tears to my eyes. I guess I’m one of those proud, self-reliant people, who find it hard to accept help even after living with chronic illness for 14 years.
Thank you for being so open – I know God is going to use you both in ways you cannot even begin to imagine. Keep on writing and sharing!
Debbie
Thank y’all so much for your kind and encouraging words!
Hi Ashley,
I really understand what it is like to have health problems at the start of your marriage. I had Chronic Fatigue Syndrome for the first 5 years of our marriage. It was also extremely debilitating for long periods, we know what it is like to miss out on many of the ‘normal’ activities. God is faithful and it is when you really need him that you learn that you can really trust him in EVERYTHING, as you guys are learning.
My wife saw your post on the Christians with chronic illness carnival and forced (read gently encouraged) me to leave a comment. I wanted to let you know about a treatment that has helped me heaps with CFS and that I have personally seen excellent, almost miraculous, results with Psoriatic Arthritis. The treatment is called SCENAR Therapy.
I am a physical therapist and after having excellent personal results with SCENAR I started trying it in my practice. My first real amazing result was with a lady who had psoriatic arthritis. At the time she was suffering with elbow pain on both elbows for over three years. She couldn’t carry bags,do the shopping, etc because it gave her pain. Since I had already tried all the usual physio treatments with her with no success, actually they all stirred up the pain, I asked her if she was willing to try a new therapy. She agreed to and we did four sessions over about three weeks. At that point there was no change and we decided to stop the treatment. Disappointing!
Four weeks later she arrived back in my clinic and told me that for the last two weeks she had been pain-free and able to carry heavy bags, etc. She was stoked and so was I. I have also seen her a few times since over a long period and the pain had never returned.
Another example that comes to mind is a man with chronic neck problems from P.A.. After a couple of treatments with usual methods we also switched to SCENAR treatment. He improved very quickly, to be pain-free in only a few treatments, with lasting relief.
I have seen this therapy turn around many lives, including mine, and would be keen to help you and your husband learn more about it if you are interested. I thank God that he brought SCENAR into my life and I hope to share that with others.
You can contact me through our blog (actually it’s mainly my wife’s, I’m consulted quite often, but she hasn’t hassled me enough to get me to post on my own yet). Our personal e-mail addresses are on our individual profiles.
Regards,
Craig
Ashley,
I have you and your husband lifted up in prayer. I know through my own experience that God will see you through and always provide for you. I understand that it is hard to ask for and accept help, I have a special needs child and now my own physical limitations. I was very self reliant, as my husband was deployed often in the military and I was determined to handle everything. Well, I have been humbled and I know God has other plans for me. God’s richest blessings to you and your husband !
Kim
Kim, thank you so much for your prayers and encouragement!
Happy SITS Saturday Sharefest
What an amazing story, I am proud of you for keeping your relationship strong and moving forward together through these tough times. You both look just as happy in the 1st picture as you do in the last one, thank you for sharing this story as I am sure it will help so many to move forward in many situations similar to yours!
((HUGS))
You were right above me in the SITS Saturday Sharefest today. What a very heartfelt post. It is definitely hard for me to accept help, and I love giving it. I forget that I’m robbing others of the joy of serving when I refuse.